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December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend ___________________________________________________ How often you attend ________________________________________________When would be the best time to interview your: Father? __________________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TOTHE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS_________________________________________________________ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, slowpoke!
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you? _____________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:______________________________________________________________ C: A woman's place is in the:______________________________________________________________D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:______________________________________________________________ E. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:______________________________________________________________G: What is the current going rate of a motel room?
Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.' Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATIONAND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.